Permission to Be Wonky

It’s amazing how much overlap there is in everything important we do. For example, I am back to studying the flute, and one of the first things I was told is not to worry about sounding perfect, but instead experiment and allow my notes to be wonky, even ugly. By allowing experimentation you also find your tone, form, rhythm, and unique voice and style. 

Horsemanship is the same way. Like allowing our horses to make mistakes and find the right answer themselves, we also have to give ourselves permission to be wonky if we ever want to get to something beautiful and unique. 

I have really leaned into that concept this year, giving up expectations and even old muscle memory, and trying to become a blank slate where Tumbleweed and I can choreograph our own unique dance, song, rhythm, movement, responses, and life together. 

(Tweed: yep, sometimes I get a little scared. I’m not embarrassed to admit it either.)

One of these things is how he spooks and what spooks him.

I really don’t want to bring old baggage into a new relationship by predicting, or expecting, based upon my other horses. 

Also, I don’t want to stop it or try to hold him back too much. 

I want to find it, then get through it—together. 

I want to see it, not stop it. 

I think last year I wanted to pre-empt and stop it. I was clinging to an illusion of control, rather than a confidence in our partnership. They sense it when we are trying to control too much, and they don’t like it. It makes them nervous and even lack trust and confidence in being together. 

That’s what aaaaallllllll this work is about, I want to be able to ride his reaction, and when he has that reaction, (because he will) I want him to be used to what it feels like with me on his back. 

If he canters off, ride it. 

If he side passes away, ride it. 

And bring him back to work as soon as possible. 

My body and balance change every year, and so does his, so in many ways we are both starting from scratch. 

Patience is the key, and it’s hard. I cannot tell you how many trail rides I’ve been invited on, but take a pass because I don’t want to push too far, too fast. I know my limits and his, and I don’t want to put either of us in a dangerous situation.

The one question I ask myself is this: can I ride out whatever happens on the trail?

Right now the honest answer is NO, but I’m starting to see ‘yes’ at the end of the tunnel. 

There hasn’t been much spooking to report, or any, but the other day a friend stopped by to see me, and she came bearing Starbucks! Yay! I didn’t realize it, but she also took out her phone to record some video, and somehow startled, rather than ‘spooked’ Tweed. I was so thankful she did! She felt really bad and asked if she should move. I was like, no, please stay right there! He didn’t startle/spook again, but it gave us something to work past.

This is such a small little blip, but it does demonstrate how well balanced he is now, even when reacting, and how quickly he goes back to his job. 

There is a clinic in June geared specifically for trail obstacles, and I’m going to sign us up. Cowboy hated these kinds of clinics, but done right, and I will make sure it is or walk out, they can be an opportunity for growth.