The Spirit is Willing, But the Flesh is Weak

What to do when our older heart horses are slowing down. It's a dilemma.

On the one hand, we know if they don't use it, they'll lose it. So, I had my farrier put shoes on Cowboy this year so that I could work to keep him going.  The year started out great.  His engine was revved up and, it appeared, with the help of Cosequin ASU and a little Bute before a ride, he was as good as new.

But mid-way through summer, the umph went out of him.  I began to wonder how much time I had left.  I blogged about it.  I was given a suggestion to introduce Exioxx, an anti-inflammatory you can give safely every day.

I did some research and filed that suggestion away.

Fast forward to last Tuesday: I went on a bareback ride with Cowboy at the state park, and he did pretty well.  The next day, I had a ride scheduled at Palisades Park--more steepness--water crossing--but a park Cowboy has rode a million times, and one that he is quite comfortable leading through.  (Which I needed because the other two horses didn't have the experience there.) 

From the start of the ride, he didn't seem like he was tracking right with his hips. I had  my friends look at him from behind, and they couldn't see it, but I could feel it here and there. I'm used to a little of that, especially when a ride starts out and they're not paying attention, but this felt different.  As we rode, it got better, and I started thinking he just needed to warm up, but when I hit some steep descents, you could see it.  I got off and walked him down those.

Looking back, I attribute that to some residual soreness from the day before.

So, my third ride, yesterday--I opted to leave him back and take Leah.

That ride was pretty flat--and in retrospect, I should have given Cowboy Wednesday off to recuperate and have taken him on this Thursday ride.

But in any case, I didn't.  I took Leah--who also has a tough time tracking with her hind end at times.  Oddly enough, she has problems in the exact same hip that Cowboy does, even though she's only 14.  (She will probably also benefit from Equioxx.)  Off the point just a bit here, but I think it's common for horses to have issues in their back right hips, if they're going to have hip problems at all.  I've seen many who do--for whatever reason.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand, this is tough because Cowboy still has a heart for the trail--and he needs to keep moving.  His spirit has the strength of a ten year old in his prime.  His body, not so much.

I have been at a crossroad for some time now, so I scheduled an appointment for this Thursday with the veterinarian to assess him for Equioxx.

If I have to be honest, the Cosequin doesn't seem to be doing anything for him anymore, and it's more expensive--or at least, equally expensive, as the RX. (CosASU = 80 days for $150) I can get a 180 day supply of Equioxx from Allivet for $213-$223.   It works out to $1.18 per day.  I would also need to have him evaluated by my vet every 12 months.

Will it drastically change his situation?  I hope so.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could get another few years out on the trail with Cowboy?  Live the dream, just a little more?

Wish us luck.

The Goal Has Been Reached, And I Am Better For It

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? 

Tell me, what is it you plan to do 

with your one wild and precious life?

—Mary Oliver, The Summer Day

I know my days on earth are finite.  The average lifespan of a female in the US is 81.2 years.  In other words, 29,638 days.  Of those days, I've already expended approximately 19,000.  Three years ago, I decided to be a better steward of those days, because as Benjamin Franklin so wisely said, "Lost time is never found again."

But there was more to it than that.  It was also this thing I learned long ago--the concept of Time = Love.  Where do you spend your time?  Well, that is what you love.  If not, you are certainly wasting your time, because your soul needs so desperately to do what it loves.  The beings that you love so desperately need your time.  

Today is the 183rd day of my 2018 Challenge.  My personal goal was 183 days of either riding or actively training a horse.  (And when I say training, I mean more than just grooming, feeding, cleaning their stalls.)  Days that I drove up to Canada to see and work with Tumbleweed, were included in that count. 

The Time = Love equation works in several ways  ---

1. It reveals what you love.

2. It makes the thing you love feel loved.

3. It makes you love, the thing you love, even more.

I can tell you that #3 is what has surprised me the most.  The more time I devote to my horses, the more time I want to devote to my horses.  Lucky for me, 2019 will give me that opportunity.

Here is a brief recap of my 2018 Challenge:

Leah

Leah and I had trail ride after trail ride this year.  I learned what a solid mount she is--wherever I took her.  On one ride, we got lost, and we had to ride several miles of paved road with loud trucks going by.  Leah was golden.  We rode Rustler's Gulch during in spring, and then again, in fall during hunting season.  We rode Hog Lake, Fish Lake, James Slavin, Palisades, and Riverside State Park.

I reached day 183, today, with Leah. After working on the touch exercises yesterday, I rode her bareback and practiced the same theme-- "kind" hands.  Riding bareback, I can feel her every twitch--instant feed back if my hands become rough.  Leah is sensitive and she wants to do it right.  Proper release is ever so important--timing--gentle asks--praise.

She responded well to "kind hands," and after our ride, I did a touch session with her.  Look at how relaxed she was. 

Our biggest milestone was opening and closing gates.  Leah would work herself up with gates, and a few years back, she fell over and almost landed on me during gate work--which compounded the anxiety.  This year, we worked step by step, stopping to allow her heart to rest--and soon enough, we had that gate opened and closed.  Once she mastered it and felt confident, gates were no problem.

Beautiful Girl

Things were going really well for Beautiful and I, until I decided to push her too hard.  That earned me a well-deserved "buck off."  Unfortunately, it set us back, but life with horses isn't all about the good things; it's also about dusting ourselves off and starting over.  And, that's where we are.  

My biggest milestone with Beautiful has been forgive and forget.  The forgiving was easy, and the forgetting is coming by replacing that bad memory with new good ones.  

Cowboy

What can I say about my heart horse that I haven't already said?  He has given me wings to fly, and for that I can never repay him.  He is 23 and living on borrowed time with that previously broken and displaced front P3 (coffin bone).  We are 12 years post injury, and everyone who knows how bad it was at the time shakes their head to hear that he's still going.  He also had, and still has, Head Shaking Syndrome--probably from the issues of that P3 that has developed arthritis.  

All that is to say--EVERY DAY IS A GIFT.

My biggest milestone with Cowboy was riding bareback and no reins, something we're still working on together.  That, and riding him bareback on two long trail rides.  Yeah, now that I think back, those bareback trail rides were the pinnacle of our time together this  year.

I've had a lot of time with Cowboy, and there is a lot of LOVE between us.

Tumbleweed

I committed to Tumbleweed the first week of his life.

 I mean, who couldn't fall in love with this sweet soul?

Everything fell into place, like it was meant to be, and the next thing I knew, I was driving to Canada every few weeks to see him.  And, I finally got to meet my blogging friend, Shirley, from Ride a Good Horse.  I had long admired Beamer's babies, and now I have one.  

I love him so much, it scares me.

Today, the vet came to give him shots and follow up wormer.  She did a short physical and thought  he seemed very healthy.  She remarked that he'd grown a lot since she last saw him.  She taped him at 350 pounds a month ago, and now he is taping at 500 pounds.  

I don't know what our future holds, but I'm going to enjoy every minute I'm given.

****

I hate to leave out the rest of the herd, because I have spent time with all of them, and I'm getting ready to start riding Foxy.  She is going to be the horse I use to pony Tumbleweed around.  I have a lesson set up for this Sunday, to help me get used to her, and try out a few different bit options.  She and Tumbleweed are currently sharing a large stall and turnout.

I just realized a 4th thing about Time = Love, and that is, when you do what you love, you are loving  yourself.  

I'll end with an excerpt from my own poem, The Breathing.

I hear their breathing,

each year stronger,

and something like love,

pulling me there.

What is time, 

but a rotation under the sun, 

a perception of what has been, 

a perception of moving 

toward what is to come.

Trail Rides, And What I've Learned

There comes a time, you have to put your preparation to work for you, and that time has come for Leah and me.  I haven't been writing much because we've been on the trail a lot.  Instead of practice bridges, we have real bridges.  Instead of practice polls, we have real logs to cross.  Instead of puddles, we have rivers, creeks, and lakes.

We've been exposed to new horses, new trails, and new challenges. Each ride has been a learning experience.  On this one, we practiced bridges, and things that go over bridges--like runners, walkers, and fast bikes.

The river is high, so we practiced wading out into it.  With caution!  A couple weeks after this picture was taken I had a friend who got a horse stuck in the same area.  She said it was like quick sand.

I inspected it pretty well as we waded into it, and I didn't expect her to stand in it because I could see her feet sinking when we stood still too long.

We were in and out.

The balsamroot was abundant on that trip.  Now, there are even more wildflowers, so I will start packing a plant and flower guide in my saddle bags.  The one I use is, "Plants of the Southern Interior British Columbia and the Inland Northwest" by Parish, Couple, Lloyd.

Mother's Day brought a mother/daughter/son-in-law/husband ride.  Be still my heart!!  

On this ride I learned to take my time and help everyone get their fresh horses thinking before we took off.  I planned for a long, long ride because two of the horses hadn't been on the trail yet this year.  We started at the round pen and progressed from there.  It made for a wonderful ride!

I also learned that my daughter makes the best trail partner and the best friend.

And my husband isn't shabby either!!!  I love this man.

The cowboy boot was the theme of my Mother's Day.  This one was from my daughter.

And this one, for the outside, was from my husband.  They didn't coordinate.

Lots of rides with friends.  We're just taking it easy and getting our horses in shape.  Different day, same trail, but this particular route is a really good one for exposing horses to many kinds of stimulus-dogs, people, bikes, water, trees, cliffs, logs, etc.

It's always nice to practice tying to the tree afterward while the girls have lunch.

This was the most recent ride from Wednesday.  It was wet and buggy.  What I learned is that I need to pack a lightweight, trail fly mask, fly spray, OFF (for me), and a roll-on fly spray for my horse's face.  My trail partner had taken a roll-on deodorant bottle and filled it with fly spray.  

Here is what I pack in my saddle bags:

phone (often on my hip)

knife

flower/plant book

fly spray

Off

Sunblock

fly mask

binoculars

map

lightweight gloves

water

We had a tough creek crossing on this ride, but I learned it's okay to jump off and get your boots wet!  I'm trying to avoid a fight on the trail.  And by that, I mean I'm trying to get better at figuring out when Leah's no means NO.  I don't want her to feel like she has to notch it up a peg to get her point across.  She looked as if she was going to flip around and run, so I dismounted and played with her in the creek for a while. She has no problem doing anything if she sees me doing it first.  Silly girl.

It has been raining a lot, but this is my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

No pictures, but I have been taking lessons with Bee.  One was at the park--worked her, then rode  her in the roundpen, then drove her over the trail obstacle course.  The second was here at home, where we did pretty much the same.

Also, I've decided NOT to breed Cowgirl.  I just don't feel like taking the risk with her, and I don't feel qualified.  The next horse I get is going to be, most likely, my last, and I prefer to meet it on the ground, rather than taking a chance and rolling the dice.

I hate leaving Cowboy behind, but his head shaking is at its worst in spring, so I've been letting him rest a bit.  I do hope to ride him more as spring progresses and he gets better.  That's looking to be real soon.

Oh, and at DAY 93, I had reached my half way point to my goal.  That is good news for me because we aren't half way through the year yet!  We have a month and almost a half left--which means I should be ahead of schedule.  Woot!  Woot!

I hope you're all doing well and getting in lots of time with your herd!  Congratulations to Shirley on her new little Tumbleweed!

If I Can Do It, You Can Do It!

I'm just bumbling along, doing my best with what I know.  For example: riding bareback.  It has become my favorite way of riding.  You don't have to haul a saddle.  You stay warm.  Win. Win.  And, if I can do it--a 50 year old woman, YOU can do it!  (By that I mean those who are wanting to ride bareback already and don't have physical conditions that make this more dangerous.)

Cowboy.

Leah.

Here is a 15 second clip of what it looks like to lope Cowboy bareback.



My tips for riding bareback:

Practice on a rock solid horse.

Grip with your thighs.

Move with your horse.

Don't steady yourself with the reins.

Keep your head up and look where you're riding!! (More important than ever)

Loping is easier than trotting.

*****

Driving your horse in a circle.

For years, I didn't want to drive my horses because it looked so complicated watching the trainers do it.  I'd help out here and there, but I never trusted myself to take the reins.  That all changed when my trainer, Rebecca, taught me to drive a horse in halter.  The fear I had, that I'd create a bad accident, vanished, and that made ALL the difference.

So, say it with me....

If I can do it, YOU can do it!

Here is some video of me driving Bee today.  SPOILER: She was not at her best--which is GREAT, because you get to see the the good, bad and ugly of driving.  And, that's OKAY.

The end of Part 1 was a bit dicey.  Thankfully, we ALWAYS start in halter! You'll have to watch Part 2 if you want to see how we resolved it. (Starts out a bit windy and loud, but gets better a couple minutes into it.  I'll have to make another tape when the weather is calmer. But that's all part of getting out there every day!)



Where'd she go?  Find out in Part 2.

A Week In Snow

The really deep snow, the really slick ice, all coincided with a really sore tailbone.  You could say the fates conspired against me, and my training program, last week.  In fact, as I sat here this morning, I had a hard time remembering what I'd done this week, so I consulted my phone for photos.

Monday, January 8, 2018: Worked Leah and Bee, cleaned the barn, wrote a blog post.

Tuesday, January 9, 2018: Sore tailbone, lots of ice outside, stayed in and cleaned the house, then went to work.

Wednesday, January 10, 2018: Had coffee with my cowgirl friends, then went to work.

Thursday, January 11, 2018: Was supposed to fly out to Omaha, but a storm here, and a storm there, caused us to cancel our flight and stay put, to take care of the horses.  We ended up getting over 6" of snow that day, and we went no where.

Friday, January 12, 2018: The temps started to warm up, and melt everything, and we started digging out of the snow.

(Pictures of the day it started snowing)

Friday afternoon, we went shopping and ended up buying a Nespresso machine.  It makes much richer coffee than Keurig.  The pods are a bit spendy, but the quality of java makes it worth it.

Friday night, my husband and I walked our property in the dark--through the snow--with the dogs at our heels.  The snow makes it bright enough to navigate easily.  After our walk, we had a date in my Cowgirl Cave--scotch, cigars, and the Echo Dot playing a steady stream of Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash.

"Save your love through loneliness, save your love through sorrow. I gave you my loneliness, give me your tomorrow."

Saturday, January 13, 2018--Colt Starting Clinic with Beautiful Girl.

(Bee getting ready to walk over with all the gear.  I have her wear the bridle at all times, to get her used to it. She's really not as thin as she looks in this photo.)

Bee got to stand around a lot while we watched the others work in the round pen.  The snow was coming off the roof, in a loud fashion, and it caused her to pull back several times, but she adjusted.  It was good for her.

What I learned at the clinic was really fine-tuning what I already know:

*When round penning, and she's nervous and not listening, find ways to get her to tune into me--snapping my fingers, waving a hand, lots of transition--whatever works.

*I already do a lot of driving from behind Bee, but we worked on driving her in the circle.  It was good for her because the outside line was on her butt and legs a lot--causing her to kick out and buck a little bit until she got used to it.  It was good desensitizing.  Another participant at the clinic didn't feel comfortable driving her own horse, so I asked if she wanted to practice with Bee.  She did, and they did great together.

Sunday, January 14, 2018:  Ride Cowboy

I remember, not long ago, when I was riding three horses a day.  My tailbone injury, and the ice, has slowed me down.  But I was feeling well enough Sunday to ride Cowboy bareback.

I took it easy and stopped a lot to give him neck massages.  When we were done, I slipped off and gave him a nose to tail T-touch session.  He melted and followed me all over, with his head on my hands, as I tried to gather everything up and leave.  It was so sweet, I couldn't leave him.  So, I sat on my overturned trough and just spent the  most wonderful time being with him.  He was like a puppy.

I was thinking about it last night, as I was trying to fall asleep (a problem I have--thinking too much at bedtime)--I was trying to find a way to describe how my love for Cowboy feels.  First, he has been with me for almost 30% of my life!  That is a lot of wrapping around one another.  And, my journey with him has been so bumpy--times I thought I would lose him, times he surprised me and recovered, scary situations we got ourselves into--fights, makeups, growing old together, sharing pain together.  When I think of love for him, I think of these words:

joy, fragility, hope, sorrow, pride, comfort, awe, vulnerability, heart-bumps, heaven, laughter, miracles, friendship, gratitude.

That was my week in snow, and today the sun is shining super bright--I have the day off--and I'm heading to the barn.  Here's another word--GLORIOUS!

Would You Like To Dance?

"So much wasted time."

David Cassidy's last words as he was dying.

When the nurse told me to “go to my happy place,” she said I told her it would be the horses. (My husband and children gave me a bit of grief about that!)  I woke up feeling euphoric, just as the nurse was telling my husband the story. It felt right. It felt like I had truly been with my horses.

I’ve written before about how it feels for me to climb into the saddle—it’s like a swoosh of endorphins flooding my brain. I also have this image of heaven, my herd galloping to meet me when I pass over. It gives me comfort. I love my family with all my heart, but my relationship with the horses is other-worldly. I hope the readers will understand what I mean, and maybe even be able to clarify it more, in the comments section.

Yesterday was the first day I was able to work with my horses—Cowboy, Leah, and Beautiful--since the heart ablation.  I didn’t expect it to be any different, but it was. Something had changed in me, a way of communicating. It's as if, when they fixed my heart, they also helped it to feel more vividly the emotions of my horses.

The idea of The Dance became clearer and shifted from a--

We're going to dance!

To a--

Would you like to dance?

I had more patience to ask and wait for the give.  More patience to see it as a series of dance steps, rather than a whole dance.  And, this great understanding that learning the steps to the dance is not wasted time, but rushing the dance or not dancing at all IS wasted time.

Seeing it that way, I was able to get insight into my relationships the three horses I worked with, and I want to share it and ask you to leave a comment explaining how you see your own dances with your horses.

******

Cowboy.

As I tried to take Cowboy's picture, he wanted to come to me.  He didn't want to graze.  He didn't want to walk back to the herd.  He wanted to dance.  With me.

We are those long-time dance partners you see on the dance floor, feet shuffling back and forth, back and forth, hands held tight--knowing the rhythm, the steps, the give and take.  Imagine the most perfect couple out on the dance floor, the one that just has you mesmerized, and then look over to the side at the ones who aren't that good, but you can tell they've been dancing together for a long time, too.  That is us.  Cowboy and me.  There is still a bit of tension here and there, but we've learned to dance together and we're used to each other.

Cowboy doesn't like the tango.  We don't do the tango.  We only dance the ones he likes.  For the most part, I lead, but there are some steep or rocky sections, where I let Cowboy choose the path, and he always gets us where we need to go.  Opening and closing gates--the tap-tap on his side--he scoots over a wee bit. A gentle squeeze--he takes one step--a gentle squeeze--another step.  He hears me softly say, "Whoooaaaa," and he stands still enough that I can reach down to the chain and unlatch the gate.

Dancing with Cowboy wasn't always this easy or fun, but it is  now.  I wish I'd been a more patient partner in the early days, but he has been forgiving.  Nowadays, we dance as much as we can to keep his body going in his older age. 

****

Leah.

It struck me that I'd been stepping on Leah's toes a lot as we've been learning to dance together.  She's a gentle soul, takes everything deeply, doesn't want to make missteps--and I need to honor that. 

Yesterday, we danced on the ground first.  I worked with her at a trot, in circles, all around the arena.  We danced over the poles, around the barrels, along the rail.  She was a lovely partner.

I wanted a plan in saddle.  What dance would be learning?  Which steps did we need to learn?

I decided the dance was opening the gate (without actually opening the gate), and the steps would be moving off my leg and learning the gentle--one step forward--stop and rest--one more step forward--stop and rest--side pass, side pass--rest--don't be frightened of me bending over--rest--don't be frightened of the sound of the chain clinking against metal--rest. We could call this the waltz, and our practice a dry run.  No music.  No putting the steps all together.  Just work at learning the subtle shifting, counting--gentle pushing away and pulling in.

******

Beautiful Girl.

If you can't dance well together on the ground, how can you possibly dance well in the saddle? 

Bee had a week off, and she was on edge.  She wants to learn to dance, but but she thinks she knows the dance already--and constantly attempts to take the lead from me.  Her dance is one of self-preservation--I heard a sound, let's get the hell out of here!  She is in the early stages of the steps: getting used to the feel of bridle and bit, the tug of a rein, the pressure of a leg, the weight of a rider. 

Yesterday, we worked on the ground dance.  At first her trot was fast and fearful, but we twirled around the arena in circles until she slowed down and tuned into her dance partner.  At that point, she watched the up and down of my left hand as it urged her to continue forward over poles and tires.  She felt the tug of my right hand guiding her forward, then into a circle, then forward, then over a pole, then forward, then into a circle--and so on. 

We have quite a few steps to learn together, but working with her, and the others, is my happy place.  Why rush the dance?  Those older couples you see on the dance floor probably didn't look so great when they were first learning.  The element of TIME is essential. Forgiveness.  Togetherness. And just plain wanting to dance together in the first place. 

This is not wasted time. 

It's precious time.

Spring, You Came Back to Me

It appears spring and I are still a thang.  I thought spring had broken up--ended the relationship--but she came back and acted like nothing ever happened.  Of course, I wanted to ask her why--why she'd just walked out like that, but then, I didn't want to piss her off and have her walk out again.  So, I'm willing to take her back--this time--without an apology.  

Yesterday was warm and glorious.  I rode in the morning, with Cowboy...

And, I was part of a trail clinic that night.

Cowboy is experiencing a lot of head shaking this year.  I'm giving him his medication (carbamazepine, for seizure, and bute, for foot arthritis after broken, displaced P3 10 years ago) and waiting for it to subside, but it's tough to manage.  He benefits from being used, so I try to keep him comfortable and keep him working.  You could say that's my answer to everything, and you'd be about 75% right.  Many horse health issues really do benefit from them moving.  It gets the blood flowing and gets them in shape.  As in people, a sedentary lifestyle is a killer.

Leah hates crossing water, but she'll do anything for me if I do it first.  So yeah, I walked through the puddle in my leather boots, she followed, I got back on, she rode through with no problem.

Foxy, our new well-broke horse, lost her mind at the trail last night.  It was her first time out with us.  She jigged and was just all around bug-eyed nervous.  My husband had to hand her off to our trainer and switch horses.  This is them kissing and making up at the end.  Today, my daughter and I are taking her back out there to try again.

See that white butt way up ahead in the trees?  That is Leah.  She walks out fast, and that is about all anyone ever sees of her.  I like a fast walking horse, and it seems to rub off on every horse I ride.  I must send them vibes.

Here we are switching out the horses.

The day before, I worked with Leah in her side reins--from the ground.  I'm trying to build up her top line.  I only work her in very small increments on the line, then I take the side reins off and do the rest in saddle.  It helps her to know what I'm looking for without the added pressure of having a rider aboard.

An update on the trailering (see previous post about making trailering safe) Leah has become a pro in the trailer since I did that work with her--tying her up and feeding her in it while I trained the other horses.  She could probably use a refresher in between trailering her to work just to mix it up and keep her solid.