Doormat Energy

 

Respect

Strive to be someone your horse respects and wants to be with. This means you're predictable, consistent, congruent, fair, and fun to be around. And you have a clear intention of what you want him to do. Of course, you must maintain safe boundaries, which at times might look like dominance or even aggression, but your attitude should always be one of soft strength. (Sacred Spaces, p. 153)

Yesterday I hit my first brick wall with bodywork. Tweed would start to relax, but then he’d shoot his head up, try to grab the rope, or even walk away. 

My mind went to all the issues that could have been affecting Tumbleweed: pain, weather change, scary hobgoblins of nighttime visitors, boredom, herd issues. 

But then my mind shifted to me. What kind of energy did I bring to our time together? (Thank you Sacred Spaces.)

Well, I received a phone call as I was walking out the door. I stupidly answered it and began to multi-task. The call was from a person to whom I always shift my energy to that of a doormat. The two of us have butted heads in the past, and to keep that from happening again, I lower my energy to almost zero. It was a pleasant’ish conversation but the person was pushing on me to make a decision I did not want to make. It was a small thing, and I ended up standing my ground, but there’s no doubt it affected me. 

The conversation was still happening as I approached and haltered Tumbleweed. (Who, by the way, did not come to me, but also did not walk away.)

Looking back, it is clear as day that Tumbleweed and I re-enacted that phone conversation. If that phone conversation had been playing as background music to that taped session, it would have overlapped perfectly. 

At some point in that mess of a bodywork session, I decided I was doing more harm than good, and took him for a walk, where he proceeded to tune me out and walk all over me. 

When you’re doing bodywork, your corrections should be consistent, but soft. For example, if you place your hand on their muzzle and they jerk their head away, you should go with them and keep the hand in place until they settle, then remove it. You can back the pressure off by using the back of your hand or even your hand slightly above the spot, but not actually touching. 

During the walk, however, I was able to more aggressively meet his energy and back him off me. I reset the boundaries, then returned to the same place and continued the bodywork. He did much better and I ended it and went to the arena. 

Did I mention I had planned to ride that day, too? That didn’t happen, but I’m sure part of my energy had shifted, just in anticipation of it. 

This quote sums up why I changed my plans:

Pushing a horse past his point of resistance and keeping him there for an extended period of time builds resentment. You begin having an argument that one or the other of you have to win. You are no longer having a conversation. Disagreements are part of conversation, arguments are not. (Sacred Spaces, p. 166)

Some of that resistance from the bodywork showed up in his transitions. He’d snort and toss his head from trot to canter. I hadn’t seen any resistance the last couple of weeks, so even though it was small, it was a noticeable change.

We did get to softness, and that is where I ended it. 

When I put him back in the turnout, he left me, but then turned and watched me walk all the way back to the house. We were both processing what had just happened. 

I picked up the book, Sacred Spaces, and began to re-read sections I’d highlighted. 

Being aware of, and responsible for, the energy you are emitting is something you have complete control over. (P 118)

I did stop myself and assess my energy, so that’s an improvement. I’m reflecting back on it now. Also an improvement. That’s the best I can do as I learn to consider how my thoughts and energy are affecting our relationship. 

Horses don’t like people who are incongruent. They often do things to expose the “true” person behind the curtain. (P 131)

I was, clearly, incongruent yesterday when I allowed another relationship to overshadow mine and Tweed’s. He was probably like, Who the hell are you today?

“Often horses tune out humans because there are so many thoughts going through the riders' head at any one time, the horse is left to guess which one is important. If he chose to follow the wrong one often enough-and got in trouble for it— he probably made a decision that it was safer to just ignore you.” (Sacred Spaces, p. 144)

I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to get on the same page as Tweed. What was he to interpret from my mind, body, and energy yesterday? He can’t understand that a whole different human was also present, via a phone conversation. It wasn’t fair to bring a variable like that into our time together. The term cross-contamination comes to mind. 

To sum it all up: doing something is always better than doing nothing, even on bad days, IF you also learn something from it. I did learn. That’s a win. 

Now, I just need to get out there and do better for my boy.