Sunday, July 21, 2019

The Precious Day by Day of an Older Equine Companion and Heart Horse

It seems that since we drove to get our new puppy, my life has been a blur.  First, it was the puppy--just getting her settled.  Then, it was back to back family vacations and family coming to stay.  I fit in a couple of rides through it all, and that one lesson with Tumbleweed, but I really had to set all that aside.

But now, we're home, and we don't have another trip planned until October, when I will finally return to the place I have sworn to return to since I was 16.  I'm 52 now, so that's a lot of years wanting something and not doing it.  Every January 1st, I'm reminded when we pull out little slips of paper from our family box of resolutions and someone reads:

Return to Maine.

And, I have to admit that, no, I did not do it.  Yet again, I DID NOT return to Maine.

You'd think it was the moon or Mars, rather than a state within our own country.

We have our plane tickets and all of our reservations made.  It appears, if all goes well, I will finally touch ground in the place I loved so dearly.


For horses this year, there is a definite theme, and it is Cowboy, my heart horse. I feel like he's at the end of his life in many ways, and my time is running out.  Even today, I saw him from the window holding his previously broken front foot out, and I ran to put him up and give him another dose of Cosequin. The more he moves, the better he does, but I'm losing ground.

I had shoes put on him this spring, and I'm taking him out on every ride.  If it gets too steep, or a log too high, I hop off and walk him.  We're both fighting for his life at this point, thirteen years post fracture and displacement into the coffin joint.  But the arthritis around the area where the bone enters the joint, it gets worse and worse so that every year is a blessing.  I've known, and lived with that knowledge, for a long time.



It's all about quality of life now. I want him to enjoy himself--my older equine partner--and to trust me.  As I said above, I don't hesitate to hop off his back and let him navigate down a hill or over a log without having to carry my weight, too.  I explain this to my friends when they see me swinging to the ground. I don't care if I have to walk the whole way, but he does need to keep moving.


I value every second we're together.  I tell him that, too, and give him lots of huge hugs.  Hey Cowboy, we're together today!  hug hug hug. I can't stop hugging him.  I know there will be a time, soon, when I can't.


Ride after ride.


I feel bad that I'm not riding Leah, but given what I feel in my heart--what I see happening with Cowboy--I don't even feel like there's a choice.  It's all about riding him NOW.  Enjoying every minute NOW.


I don't want to have any regrets when the time comes. I want to know in my heart that I spent as much time as I could with the horse who has been my companion and comfort and strength and healing. I absolutely cannot stand the thought of losing him.

Yet, in the wings, there is Tumbleweed--brought here to take over what will be a huge, gaping hole in my life.  (Not to put any pressure on him or anything.)

Here he is heading back out to pasture yesterday, before my ride.  He had come to the gate and whinnied at Cowboy, loaded in the trailer.  (They're big buddies nowadays)  I jumped out of the truck to snap a photo as he was heading back out.


I love that Cowboy is able to overlap and be a part of his life, and that I will always know Cowboy is in him.  Not biologically, of course, but in the environmental effects--the nurturing part.

Tumbleweed is growing fast.  He is very smart, and he is very well loved by the entire herd.

Like everything, I enjoy each and every day, and I take them one at a time.

15 comments:

  1. It's so hard to watch them slowly decline and all we can do is try to ease the path until we can give them the final gift. I'm glad that you are enjoying Cowboy and loving him. (((hugs)))

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    1. Thank you for the hug. It is a decision I do not want to make. I’ll keep throwing things at him as long as I can, and keeping him moving as long as I can. But he is starting to show more rapid deterioration. And that’s saying a lot because he obviously has a high tolerance for pain, based on past x rays.

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  2. Unfortunately the time does come when we have to say goodbye to our beloved equine. It's hard to see it happening and not be able to do anything to help prolong their time with us. I think even though you know what's coming eventually you are doing the right thing by him and letting him enjoy his life and his time with you. It's wonderful that you keep taking him out and letting him be with you and his horse friends. I'm sure his mind and health are better for his experiences. He knows how much he is loved and how much he means to you and you to him. It's all a special guy can ask for. Hang in there and don't dwell on the inevitable just enjoy and cherish each day with him. Big hugs to you both!

    I love Maine too and go there often. I haven't been this year because circumstances are keeping me home...so far. Maybe we might take a drive up there in August, who knows. Glad you will get there though.

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    1. I try to take your good advice and not dwell on it, but enjoy him as much as I can. My friends who see him on the trail think he has a lot of life left, but they don’t see the day to day, minute to minute, like I do. Last winter was tough on him. He would do better in a warmer climate for winter, one where he can keep moving and not be cooped up. Either that, or I need access to an indoor arena. He definitely declines with a sedentary lifestyle.

      You lucky girl getting to go so often to Maine! I have an order of Maine red snappers being delivered today for a family party. My siblings still reminisce about them, so I thought it would be fun.

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  3. Ah, the hard part of love. Keep it up, and keep taking lots of pictures. I love to look back at the pictures of my last rides with Tonka. And the kids' old horses too, but Tonka was The One... You know.

    I'm feeling kind of the same way about Sawyer lately, with all his unexplained colic episodes. Need to keep him moving, give him all the support I can, and know it won't go on forever. The younger critters can wait. I have ages to train Buster and maybe even ride Halla again. I may only have months with Sawyer.

    I can't imagine, having been with your heart horse for so long, the idea of letting go. Keep him close while you can.

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    1. I’m with you on the pictures and memories! I have a special file, “Cowboy and Me.” I try to fill it up. Movement is essential. I didn’t think Cowboy would be rideable after his p3 fracture, and expected him to be early retired, so I invested in the young ones. When he made a full recovery, they were placed on a back burner. Then he got equine head shaking syndrome, probably because of his displaced weight holding that front, arthritic hoof out (pressure on the trigeminal nerve) and the young ones had to step up. Then, my vet found a remedy for the HSS and back up he came. But by then, Leah needed miles, too. Yada yada. She got a bunch. And now it’s back to Cowboy. I’m sure you understand the juggling act when you have a precarious equine partner. But he has surprised me time and time again.

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  4. I don't know what your pain regimen is for Cowboy, but if it's not already in there, I would suggest adding Equioxx (Previcox). It's a pain killer, that was invented for dogs, but was found to work really well on horses. We've had a couple horses on it for several years with no side-effects. (Like the stomach problems you get from bute.) It definitely keeps them comfortable longer. Equioxx is about $1 a day, but it's been worth it for us.

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    1. I’ve never heard of it, but I’ll look it up. I give Cowboy Bute, as needed, and before and after rides. He’s also on Cosequin ASU. If there’s something better, I’m in.

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    2. Heather, where do you get yours? Is it a pill? What dosage. I think I’m going to use it.

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    3. Hi Linda,
      We use it for Blue and Grady. I think it works wonders. We get it from the vet.

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  5. Every special moment... they will pass too soon. I am approaching this scenario with Beamer, although I don't want to ride him anymore, his knee is getting pretty bad. Actually, I would love to ride him but worry my weight is too much for him. I may sneak in a few short bareback rides on a good day.
    So glad that you have the T'weed to help you through the upcoming emotional upheaval.

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    1. I know you’re in my same boat with Beamer. What a time for us. 😢 If Cowboy did better being left alone, I’d be happy to fully retire him. But his case is opposite that. If he doesn’t move, a lot, he starts to break down all over. Horses are so damn smart. They seem to know just how to take care of each other. Little Joe will herd Cowboy around, making him move, but being real gentle, too. Being in the herd is good for him. Tweed looks after him, too. You’d think he was the elder horse and Cowboy the baby.

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  6. I don't know what to say about Cowboy, other then this post brought tears to my eyes. Love can be so damn hard. You are doing all the right things, and they know it. I've never been to Maine, maybe some day? I am glad you are revisiting a place that spoke to you so strongly.

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    1. I'm super excited about Maine, and I've gotten a few more rides in on Cowboy. He is ready and willing to go every time. I just love him!!

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Please feel welcome to join our discussion by telling us about your own thoughts and experiences.