On the two year anniversary of “the day our life changed,” I choose to celebrate the wins. There are so many miracles and “wins” that I will only cover a few, but just know that despite the adversities, we have been blessed beyond what we deserve.
1. I’m alive! We’re all alive! That might seem an easy accomplishment, but it really isn’t. I’m so thankful we’re all alive! And, as an addendum, my body is healed up, too. Yay!
2. Though my time with Tumbleweed became rarer, and my mind was in survival mode, I didn’t give up. I reached out for help, and we kept growing together. Now we are ready to fly.
Sometimes in life we might be forced to take *seemingly small steps, just never stop taking steps. “The journey of a thousand miles…”
I had my first recital last Sunday, and was not afraid to play in front of others. The song I chose was Amazing Grace, which was perfect.
When you are tense, and life throws so much at you at once, much of it out of your control, you really do have to stop and breathe. A lot. Often. Always.
Playing the flute reminded me to breathe everyday, and from that breath, even find beauty (and healing) in the musical vibrations coming back to me. There are several studies about how music heals at the cellular level. I felt it happening in me these last two years. Thank God for music! It has saved me, body and soul, more than once.
4. I have a deeper love for my husband, deeper respect, deeper trust, and deeper thankfulness. I didn’t think that was possible after 23 years. Hardships have the power to draw you closer or break you apart, we drew closer.
5. I am thankful for my barn and barn garden, the sanctuary that was started two weeks after it all happened, and finished as daughter and grandson moved home with us, just in time to further help the healing process.
The last two years have taught me, yet again, that you can’t escape suffering in life. It happens to everyone, no matter how perfectly you try to organize your life, or hide from it. Suffering, and sadness, will find you.
But in your suffering and sadness, you can also find an otherworldly grace, …and miracles, many of them, all over the place, everywhere you look.
They are our love notes from the universe, saying you can do it! You have everything it takes! You are glorious, and you are loved, and you were created for this moment.
Embrace it, breathe, cry, and let yourself feel.
Then look around and say thank you.
Thank you.
Such a lovely post. It has been a challenging few years and you’ve handled it with grace. I’m sure that you’ve had your moments, of grief, frustration and tiredness. But you didn’t let it define you. I hope your daughter is doing well.
ReplyDeleteThank you, yes, there have been many moments and many feelings. I remember the first week when I went out into the barn by myself and just lost it. I loved my son-in-law so much. We were very close and it was definitely like losing a son. So lots of emotions, ups and downs, and other losses, completely unrelated, to deal with along the way, too.
DeleteAs the two year anniversary hit, and my daughter pointed it out to me (although I was very aware, but didn’t want to bring it up) I wondered all kinds of things—am I handling this right? What can I do better? Next year, when it’s the 3 year anniversary, what will I be putting in the win column. Is there a day that June 9 will simply be June 9 again?
The takeaway for me is that suffering and sadness are as much a part of life and living as joy and hope and, oddly enough, are to be equally embraced. Not that I want anymore than I already have, UNIVERSE, if you’re listening.
Life is ever changing. It is good to look back and forward all in one breath.
ReplyDeleteIt definitely helps me to look back and connect the dots of blessings through life. In the toughest seasons they seem to multiply quickly, and that is itself a blessing.
DeleteYou have a choice with life-changing events: look around and find beauty and gratitude, or withdraw from the world and continue to live in pain. I chose to find beauty and gratitude, and I'm glad you have as well. It doesn't mean that we don't feel the pain, loss, sorrow, it just means that we allow ourselves to feel our feels and then move on. There is SO MUCH beauty and grace all around us, and living with a joyful, grateful heart has offered me the most healing. I hope it does the same for you.
ReplyDeleteThat’s awesome! I call gratitude a superpower. When we were in Sedona everyone was in to finding vortexes. Well, we have a vortex inside of us called thankfulness and it is more powerful than any drug or healing stones or whatever. I try to say thank you to God for specific things everyday. A friend made a rosary for me and, even though I’m not Catholic, I use it to say thank you for something on each bead. Sometimes it is hard to come up with that many things, but that’s only because I’m being blocked by something negative.
DeleteSomeone once told me, bitterness is like drinking poison and then waiting for the person you’re mad at to die. That was many years ago, but it so true.
I am not Catholic either, but I *love* the idea of using the rosary beads as a prompt to be thankful for specific things.
DeleteMusic does heal the soul. I am glad you are reconnecting with your flute. And Amazing Grace is such a beautiful and powerful hymn. I play recorder, and when we interned Ted's dad's ashes a few weeks ago, I played Amazing Grace at the graveside.
ReplyDeleteThere is so much in life to be thankful for, but if we don't suffer , grieve and experience loss in any form, we can't find the beauty that surrounds us- we take it for granted.
One thing you can do on your Rosary is meditate on the Passion and death of Jesus; how much He suffered for us! All so that we could find the joy and peace of heaven with Him. There is no more powerful suffering than God becoming man and taking on suffering, which is not part of His nature- all for us. I am eternally grateful to Him for that.
The recorder and flute are very connected. It’s interesting that we both played Amazing Grace. Yes, there is something to be said for suffering as a conduit to also more fully understanding happiness. They go hand in hand.
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