Couple's Counseling

As Tweed and I were waiting for our trainer to show up on Saturday, a thought came to me that she is kind of like a couple's counselor. Like any relationship, this is all about communicating better. 

The initial stage is just wanting to spend time together, the easy, feel good part.  But as time goes on, we also have a need to feel heard and respected. 

Stressful situations, and life has plenty of those, can erode that communication and respect, and cause us to grow apart. Sometimes, we need a little help communicating what we need and what is acceptable, versus what is not acceptable. 

If we fail at communication, we end up blaming the other for letting us down. Tweed might get resentful that my release came late. I might get resentful that he tries to spin and run away.

If the relationship is going to thrive, of course, we need to have each other's backs and be able to trust.

Our counselor has been worth her weight in gold. (And though this is an analogy of horses and humans, I do highly recommend counseling for human couples, too. Nothing has made that more clear than what we have been through this summer.)

Tweed's and my counseling sessions have paid off. We are doing much better in the saddle together. Yesterday we rode around the equestrian park on what turned out to be an absolutely beautiful, sunny fall day, and I was able to introduce him to two new obstacles.  We did the log pull and the rope gate. He was a champ, even when the log was coming right at him as we made our turn. It was a fun day, and I can't wait to go back with him again today. I love my time with Tumbleweed!

Our couple's counseling helped in another way, too. We often hear of the fight or flight response in horses (and humans.) But there is a third response, and it is called FREEZE. Cowgirl is a perfect example of a horse who goes to the freeze mode in stressful situations. I always loved that about her, and it saved my daughter on a couple of occasions.

I went into the freeze mode this summer when everything happened. I concentrated all my energy into my daughter and grandson, as if their lives depended upon it,...because it did. However, since I was putting so much energy, and thought, into them, I didn't have it for Tweed. I took a few steps back, and called my trainer  counselor. She kept us going through that stressful time of life, and we grew as a couple. I have to pat my June-self on the back for making such a wise decision. Good job, June-self!

I ran into to two of my good friends getting off their trail ride as I was there with Tweed. We talked for a bit, and they didn't pressure me, but said they looked forward to riding with us on the trail when we are ready.

You know what, I'm starting to feel ready again.