Tumbleweed has had the last five days off since his vet appointment. It has given me time to reflect.
I was very proud of him at our appointment. He is great at loading and hauling, and when we arrived at the clinic, about a 40 minute drive, he unloaded and remained calm in the parking lot while we waited for them to come get us, about 20 minutes.
A train went by. A stray dog popped out. Horses were whinnying from stalls. Workers were shuffling around corners. There was a lot. But he just looked, then relaxed and stood quietly by my side.
When they finally came to get us, they had us go into a new area they use for floating. It is a small room in a barn with a garage style door that was half open. Tumbleweed stopped at the entrance, I rubbed his head, and then he followed me right in and allowed them to calmly inspect his mouth before being tranquilized.
I was proud because what I felt from him was trust.
All this talk and effort towards getting the right feel, energy, connection, respect, communion—it boils down to wanting their
trust.
There is a verse from The Bible that I think about a lot, Ruth to Naomi:
“
Where you go, I will go; and where you stay, I will stay.”
I usually think about it in regard to how I feel about my husband. Wherever he is, that is home to me. But lately I’ve been thinking about it in the context of my horse and how I want him to feel.
I want to be home to him. His safe place. Whether we’re in the woods on some dark trail or at a clinic along a busy road or in the arena.
It reminds me of one of my favorite psalms, too, you are my hiding place, you protect me from trouble.
I love that one so much that I wrote a song about it some years ago on guitar. My plea to God in a hard moment of life. The chorus:
Be my hiding place. Be my hiding place. Be the hand that I can trace. Be my pride and be my grace. Be my place, be my place.
I know what it’s like to be afraid and lost. Terrified, even. And I know what it’s like to find safety, trust, and security.
That is what I want Tumbleweed to find in me, and if I have an actual goal, that is it. That’s what it’s all about.
What a well written post, and thought provoking. Estes and I were each other's 'home', and when I had to put her down I floundered. Even though I'd only had her a short time, we'd been through some stuff.
ReplyDeleteI desperately want Skeets and I to have that connection, and there are glimpses of it, but it hasn't coalesced yet, even after ten years together. I guess we'll just keep working. Hopefully, with spring around the corner, we'll have more time together outside of work.
I was thinking yesterday (after writing this) that I am more his “home” when we are away from home and he doesn’t have his buddies. Honestly, I’m not sure I can compete with them since they’re together 24/7. Given the option, his herd is his “safe place.” Maybe you and Skeets need more time away together. Did you and Estes do a lot of rides away? Tumbleweed has a close connection to Foxy, his surrogate mom. When she passes away, I’m curious how it will change the dynamic for us. Not that I want that to happen anytime soon, she’s an absolute angel, but she’s also very old now.
DeleteEstes and I did all of our riding 'away', but she was a well-broke working ranch horse before she came to me to be a livery guide. Skeeter is better when we're not home, but getting her in the trailer is ... ugh. I think if I could get her in the trailer and we could go do some fun things, she'd change her mind about it, but it's a battle that continues to get worse each time we try to trailer out. I'm completely anthromorphizing here, but I think she hated the Mounted Posse training and training center so much that when I put her in the trailer she thinks that's where we headed. Working on the trailer is on our to-do list (again) this summer. We'll both be happier if we can go places and do things. She loves mountain trail riding, but we have to be able to get to the mountain.
DeleteI think if you keep working with Tweed the way you are, he'll lean on you when he loses Foxy (way, way in the future, hopefully).
All your work comes to fruition in this post. Love it!
ReplyDeleteGetting to trust is a wonderful feeling.
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