Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Moving On...I Hope

Thank you to those who sent condolences after Penny's passing, and to those who stopped by to see how I'm doing. The blog has been quiet as I drifted through the season of letting go. Penny was not the first horse I've lost, but for some reason, she was, and is, the hardest.  I've failed to come to peace with it. It feels like she's still here.

I suppose that is why I haven't blogged.  Lacking closure, I also lack wisdom--lessons learned--or whatever it is we search for to make sense.  The only lesson I learned is that it sucks, and to think of the loss makes me either want to puke, or cry, or both. So, I have avoided writing about my horses altogether.

What brought me to finally sit back down is that today I received Penny's custom horse hair bracelet I ordered for my granddaughter.


I'll see Sophie on Saturday and give it to her. If it doesn't fit her, I'll keep this one and order another.  It's hard to measure, although I see the website has been updated with more detailed instructions at Spirit Horse Designs.

The one above was chosen by Sophie--a double wrap called, Kael Wrap Horse Bracelet.

 If it fits her, I may order this other design for myself.


I guess I sent way more hair than needed, and she returns what she doesn't use.  I like the purple ribbon she wrapped the box with.  Coincidentally, it's Sophie's favorite color.


For Christmas, I gave Sophie a photo book of she and Penny, and when she opened it she cried and then came to hug me, and I broke down and cried.  We cried together for a long time.  She is the one person in the world who feels it as strongly as I do.  

I know it's time to turn back toward the living horses. I've been trying to get over a 3 week respiratory infection--the most awful virus which has EVER invaded my body.  My husband brought it back as a souvenir from our January trip to Sedona, and it promptly latched onto me.  At least it's not the CoronaVirus, but I bet it's some closely related cousin.

Today, a friend came over and we sat in my Cowgirl Cave and conditioned our tack--saddles, bridles, boots. That's the first thing I've done like that in a long time.  The weather is so beautiful that we've planned a ride for tomorrow.


I just stepped outside and took this picture so you can see what a lovely day it is.

I can't help but to benefit from saddle time.  It is much, much needed.

And here is a photo from a month ago of Tumbleweed.  He's butt-high right now, as he continues to grow and mature.  He's a sweetheart.  Cowboy has made it through winter with medication--and luckily, it has been a very mild winter for him.  He and Tumbleweed are good buddies and engage in gelding play everyday.  Tumbleweed has given Cowboy a new lease on life.  


T'weed is still very much a Foxy Mama's boy, and she guards his every step--especially when it's muddy or icy out--she won't let him play with Cowboy on those days--but he is also thinking for himself and moving up in the herd order on his own.  But he doesn't disobey Foxy Mama.  Ever.  I like that about him.

Well, I've survived my first blog post after Penny, and I feel good to get it out and think about the future.  In fact, I'm going to end here and go out and give my living horses big hugs.  

So, maybe I do have some wisdom.  The prescription for healing, after a special horse passes, is loving the living horses who are still here.  One day at a time.

10 comments:

  1. Some horses are hard, or impossible, to let go. I still miss Jackson; but its becoming more of a sweet ache instead of the puke or cry response you describe.

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    1. It’s good to know you have experienced it, too, and I’m not crazy.

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  2. It is good to hear from you. So much sweetness in your herd update! Yes, this post is another progression in living with Penny's loss. Every loss is unique, we all grieve differently each time. It doesn't help to be sick, it is so draining. I am glad you have been doing what your heart & soul needs ~ sending a {hug}

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    1. Thank you. 🙏 Yes, every loss is definitely unique. None are easy, but some lack closure. And, being sick is awful. I coughed so hard, I seem to have damaged my ribs. I feel quite a bit better now, except the rib pain. And when I cough, it feels like a rib under my right breast clicks back into place when I finish. I wish I had X-ray vision to know what’s happening. I think I’ll avoid flying for a long while!

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  3. Glad you're back. I know how hard it is to let go of a special horse. It's an old cliche but you will heal with time. Some healing times are quicker than others but eventually you will get there and have all your sweet memories to comfort you.

    Those bracelets are beautiful. I hope it fits Sophie. She'll love it. Tweed is getting bigger and handsomer than ever. It's good he and Cowboy are having a fun time playing, it's good for both of them. Have a great ride and feel better.

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    1. It is hard to let go of magical souls. Most horses, you can think of one or two bad things, but I can’t think of one for Penny. The closest to perfect I’ve ever known. I fear, will ever know.

      T’weed is a handsome boy. He has a very sweet eye, too. A little bit of a stubborn streak, but he’s a baby. I hope to get a better partnership with him this spring—away from home. We definitely have a partnership now, but it revolves around food and lovin’. He sees me coming and he’s right at my side because he knows I’m the candy man.

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  4. I've been thinking of you. It's so hard to lose who we love and it doesn't matter the species. I am glad that you have family, friends and equines to help you. I love that bracelet. it's beautiful. I have one made of hair from Steele, Irish and Carmen. I love it.

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    1. Thanks, I have a few, too. Nice to get one while they’re still alive. That’s probably a better idea.

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  5. So- I don't know how I missed your post about Penny passing. It is so hard to lose one even though we know it will happen. I have lost many over the years and it really leaves holes in your heart.There's an old song that I was thinking about today: If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. That really applies to our horses (and dogs and cats) as well as our loves friends and family. They deserve our attention love and time even though we grieve.

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    1. I know you recently had a much deeper loss—your sister. My heart goes out to you, Shirley. That is something I’ve never had to endure.

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