I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself today--not just about the head-shaking, but other things as well. I was thinking today, or wondering, if there would be a point at which I would walk away from horses. I've had friends who have done that. Sold the whole kit and kaboodle and walked.
Then, I look out my window and see all the other horses and it makes me want to cry. Maybe I'm just hormonal. Pre-menopausily moody.
Or, maybe it's just Cowboy. When he broke his P3 I got very discouraged. It was the not knowing. The vets (yes, two) misdiagnosed it for three months. That was five years ago. Then, while he was recuperating and we didn't know if he'd ever be sound, his twin nephew, the colt I'd raised and trained, coliced and DIED. Yep, that was one of the moments I felt like walking.
Instead, I got Beautiful Girl. I guess that's why I feel like crying when I look out the window and see her. It's like, Oh my god, what if something happens to HER? I kind of got myself in it for the long-haul here with all my horses. With things going wrong with Cowboy it makes me feel like things are wrong with everything.
So, it probably wasn't a good day for me to go out and seek donations for our association's bbq. I took the few rejections I got pretty personal. And the way they talk to you when they hear you're asking for a donation...don't they understand we're parent volunteers? We're their customers, for god's sake! One hotel that I LOVED (before today) that I recommended all my family stay at, that we've stayed at, that we eat out at, that we even have a book about on our mantle--flat out said NO. I don't understand it. It's good advertising for them, if nothing else. That's a pretty cheap way to reach over 1000 people. A one night stay in a room that would probably be empty anyway? Come on!
Or, maybe I brought the "no" on by some kind of negative lice or flea vibe that jumped off of me and onto them. Like, The Secret, I sent out some kind of bad karma today. If I'd asked them if I could have donated a free room to THEM, they probably would have still said no.
Anyway, it wasn't a good day and I am feeling sorry for myself. But, after Cowboy's dinner, I'm going to muster up a little confidence and walk him back out and see what happens.
Thank you for all your support today. I kind of feel sorry I drug you all into the sadness and uncertainty that is...Head-shaking Syndrome. Blah! It sounds like a made-up disease.
I filmed him eating dinner today so that you can see the difference and why I am so frustrated.